How to Prepare for a Meeting Where Emotions Will Run High (HBR)

Navigate tough conversations without losing your composure - or your influence

(Originally published in HBR. Connect Images/Getty Images.)

Leaders often find themselves caught in the crosshairs of opposing opinions, strong personalities, and the responsibility to manage emotionally charged situations to a productive outcome.

Take my client Jason, a marketing executive who reached out in distress. A simmering conflict between two key leaders on his team had escalated to the point where they refused to speak to each other. Their teams had followed suit, creating silos, inefficiency, and widespread tension. Jason knew he needed to step in but was anxious and uncertain about his ability to manage the strong opposing viewpoints and potential outbursts.

Managing sticky, emotionally loaded situations comes with the territory of leadership. Beyond interpersonal issues, you sometimes must deliver bad news to your beleaguered team, address a client’s frustration, provide tough-to-hear performance feedback, or communicate a mistake or delay that affects the business. These moments can be tense, and even experienced leaders can feel stressed and unsure, worried about escalation or unintended fallout.

When facing a situation that will be emotionally challenging, people often default to one of two unproductive responses. Many avoid thinking about it altogether, distracting themselves with low-priority tasks like emails. Others do the opposite—ruminating and worrying without taking meaningful steps to manage their anxiety or prepare. Both approaches tend to backfire, making us feel worse and leaving us less emotionally equipped when the moment arrives.

Fortunately, there are proven ways to prepare yourself for meetings where emotions are bound to run high. As they say in sports, the best offense is a good defense. Here are science-backed strategies to help you navigate these moments more confidently and successfully.

Create a mental blueprint

Imagery, or visualization, is a proven performance improvement technique most commonly used in athletics but also effective in work contexts. It involves mentally rehearsing an event to enhance confidence and performance.

Start with the end in mind: What does success look like for your situation? How do you want to feel walking out of the room? How do you want others to feel afterward? As it was for Jason, success might not mean instant resolution but a productive conversation where people feel heard and there’s a clear path forward.

Now, turn your upcoming meeting or interaction into a mental movie. Picture the details—the room, the seating, the body language—and walk through the scenes moment by moment. Rehearse key moments, like how you will open the conversation, navigate moments of tension, and steer the meeting toward resolution.

Identify likely challenges and potential triggers and how you’ll respond. Ask yourself, what could go wrong in this meeting? For example, Jason was most worried about emotions escalating, so he imagined himself calmly saying, “Let’s pause. We’re here to solve this, not escalate it” if tempers started to flare. He also worried about hitting an impasse, so he envisioned stating, “Since we’re not aligned yet, let’s focus on where we do agree and build from there.” Also, consider what they might say or do that could trigger you and how you will keep your cool. For instance, envision yourself taking three deep breaths or counting to 10 before responding.

Don’t just see success—feel it. For example, try to experience in your body the confidence, composure, and control you want to bring. Once you’ve mentally rehearsed, jot down key takeaways and talking points. By visualizing success ahead of time, you can enhance your mindset and improve your ability to guide the conversation toward a constructive outcome.

Focus on the positives

Before heading into a difficult meeting, take a moment to focus on gratitude. It may seem counterintuitive, but doing so can boost your emotional resilience and strengthen your sense of connection with others.

For example, if you need to deliver tough feedback to a team member, take a moment to reflect on what you genuinely appreciate about the person. One of my clients, Jane, dreaded an upcoming meeting with Sorab, a direct report whose performance had been slipping. Her previous attempts at constructive feedback had been met with defensiveness, and she feared how he might react this time—and whether she could keep the conversation on track. Before the meeting, Jane deliberately reminded herself of Sorab’s creativity, fresh perspective, and the positive energy he brought to meetings. This mindset shift helped her take a more supportive tone and led to a more productive conversation.

Reframing challenges in a positive light also reduces stress and depletion, leading to a more refreshed state of mind. Consider what positive outcomes might emerge from the meeting—might you foster growth, strengthen relationships, or create clarity for the future? If you find yourself wanting to avoid or disengage from the meeting, shift your focus to what makes you a strong leader. Studies show that this kind of “positive leader self-reflection” boosts energy and engagement, improving how others perceive your leadership and, in turn, your influence.

Modify the situation

Handling emotionally loaded situations is an unavoidable part of leadership, but you have more control over their impact than you might think. One powerful tool is situation modification: a proactive emotion-regulation strategy that can help you reduce the emotional intensity of an upcoming event. By purposefully adjusting the situation or your approach, you can ease your anxiety and create the conditions for a more productive conversation.

One way to do this is by considering “the Five W’s” of the situation: who, what, where, when, and why. For example, who needs to be there? Should you bring in resources to support the conversation? What needs to be shared, and what does not? Where should the meeting take place, and what is the optimal time? Finally, why is this discussion important?

For example, my client, Jack, had to inform his exhausted leadership team about yet another round of layoffs. Understandably, delivering this message weighed heavily on Jack, and so we worked through the Five W’s. This exercise resulted in Jack inviting his HR business partner to the meeting to provide additional support and answer questions. He also refined his message, eliminating certain elements and acknowledging his team’s likely concerns more broadly. Finally, he booked a more private, out-of-the-way conference room and scheduled the meeting for midday Friday to give his team space for follow-ups or an early departure. These intentional adjustments quelled his anxiety and created a more supportive tone and environment for delivering the difficult news to his team.

Build in buffer zones

Leaders’ schedules are often crammed with back-to-back meetings, but taking time to get into the right headspace before a challenging interaction is essential. Set aside 10 minutes before your meeting to mentally prepare so you can arrive focused and composed. You might review key points, remind yourself how you want to show up, and get grounded. Afterward, plan to take another 10 minutes to process and reset. For instance, you might take a short walk to reflect and release any built-up stress so that you don’t take it into your next interaction. If this requires rescheduling a meeting or adjusting your arrival or departure time, it’s worth it.

These buffer zones help you stay present and composed throughout the day but require planning ahead. Get into the practice of looking ahead at your calendar to identify important meetings, challenging conversations, and potentially contentious interactions so you can schedule time to prepare and reset.

. . .

Not every emotionally charged moment comes with a warning—to be sure, some take you by surprise. But when you do see one ahead, effective preparation makes all the difference. By visualizing success, focusing on the positives, deliberately modifying the situation, and building in buffer zones, you will navigate fraught meetings more confidently and successfully. Leadership will always involve some intense interactions, but with the right strategies, you can turn them into defining moments that drive real progress.